i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you win again, gameday.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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