So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
