what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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