New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
