Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
