she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He better not be in your backpack
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
