I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
