the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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