I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
