Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
