So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
