can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
