Just fell off a train. Bad.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
