I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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