We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
