Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
