so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
