Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
