just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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