Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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