don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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