No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So vagazzling was a success
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
