but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
