u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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