the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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