you traded sex for a burrito?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
