the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
ttyl tear gas
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
