i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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