You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
