Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize