the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
