Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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