I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
