just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
