Me too!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
