glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
