We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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