so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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