he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
