I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
do nipples grow back?
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