dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
