I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
