fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
