My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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