The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You dont lie about slip and slides
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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