I love black thongs
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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