Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
