I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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