It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
