here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
