ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
